im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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