I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
