i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
