Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
