Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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