my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
