just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
