i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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