How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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