Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
