Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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