i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
