Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
