I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
