Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize