We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
