those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize