The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
