Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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