It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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