I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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