Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
