So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
