Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
