I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
