what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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