How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
is it fun? or sober?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
