TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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