Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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