Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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