I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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