I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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