Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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