And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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