Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
