Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
