; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize