It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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