You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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