i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
