I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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