Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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