i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize