you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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