Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
