I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
