By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
