1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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