Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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