Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
