$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
