the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
