Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
