So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
