believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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