that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
