new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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