This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Alive.
So much puke
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
