Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
