i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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