I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
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