Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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