let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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