i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You're like the curious george of whores
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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