fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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