Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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