Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
only you would photoshop your dick
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
