Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
