he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
