Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
