Define "chronic" masturbator.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
