Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
