I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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