Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
