i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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